Beyond the Big Picture

My head is so full right now.
So many blog posts to write,
so many lessons to plan for my kiddos,
intentions to pray for,
a lot to process.
Being an adult is just plain hard work sometimes!

If I look at the big picture, I want to cry. But, if I look past that big picture- to the plan that I know my God has for me, I rejoice. I don't know what that plan is in its entirety, but I do know He has given me snapshots-
and it's beyond what I would ever dream of.

I take comfort in knowing
that He has it all figured out,
and that I can relax,
hold on to Him,
and trust.

Things are rough right now, especially financially.
There's a voice that's yelling at me for all the things I *should* have done by now. There's a lot of spiritual warfare to fight.
Maybe I'm being attacked because I'm on the path towards Him.
Satan really hates women.
Especially women who have given themselves to the King.

My Abba Father isn't making it all clear right now-
But He's using this opportunity to teach me,
about perseverance,
faith,
provision.

Again, the big picture is kinda scaring me right now.
But one step at a time, it's ok.
I know that my God will carry me- leading the way
Then he will hold my hand- walking alongside
And then follow right behind- supporting my steps
Until He's ready to stand at a distance-
And let me fly-
Through this time of trial, and into His arms once again.
Just like a loving parent (who supports and guides their children through life)
Because that is exactly who He is.
He is the perfect parent.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Journey

Thankful. Remembering. Excited.
3 of the many emotions running through my head right now.

3 years ago today I prayed a prayer that I had no idea would change my life- Oct 8, 2007 I wrote in my journal "Lord, if you need to break me, in order to build me up in you, go ahead. I want more of you and less of me in my life." Well, that night I fell, injuring my knee and beginning my journey with RSD. Had I known that morning what was to come, I would have run. Had I known when I had the knee reconstruction surgery that I would have 10 more in an 18 month span- I would have run. Had I known when I went into remission that we hadn't fixed the problem- I would have run.

So glad that I didn't - literally and figuratively- that instead of running from Him, I was able to run toward Him. I would do this all over again for what it has and continues! to teach me. For the gift of new perspective, for shifting my focus on learning and education, for the best best friend anyone could ask for, for learning to fight the system for what is right, for being thankful for the little things- like the ability to walk, for healing in many areas, for the opportunity for my family, friends, and I to be stretched and grow to be better people, for all who I've met along this way, for having a small taste in my hands, feet, side of what He did for us- and a whole lot more.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't always have such a thankful or positive attitude- I still struggle with that at times. I fall every day but I know now what it really means to pick yourself back up. Not easy, but oh so worth it! It's only been 6 months since I was implanted with a Spinal Cord Stimulator and my health made a 180. The progress astounds me and yet it continues- I can't wait.

This week was a big week. Not because of what I did, but what it allowed me to see. Today my dance department colleagues performed with the Paul Taylor Dance Company (one of the main/first modern companies). My Elementary Ed Masters program ushered it since it was a program for kids K-12. I was given the opportunity to lecture-demo for my program and professors in the School of Ed in order to prepare them and future students to watch dance, and also broach the topic of arts integration. 60 people (90% of whom were older than me), 2 cameras, and the goal that I was going to physically show them- as in dance. Being told by more than one doctor that I would never walk again, and being able to prove that they were oh so wrong...I am excited to say that I "performed" 2 small phrases (to illustrate modern dance breaking rules if you'd like to know.) And while it wasn't perfect, and my body didn't totally like it later, it was...right. The response, both in support (from many who don't know the meaning of this) and in excitement/curiosity for the arts was incredible. The conversations we had both before and after the performance today were inspired. And I sat through my first dance performance in 3 years without crying- instead, I danced in my heart.

Promised. Blessed. Loved.

God never takes us where God's Will will not support us. So while a lot is going through my head, and the remembrance wasn't all cake and ice cream, I am blessed! Today, this week, was just a taste of integrating my "old world" as a Dancer who danced and then taught into my "new world" as a Dancer who teaches others to dance in all different ways. Attempting to educate the whole child- no matter what their ability or experience in life. The cusp of my new normal- the top of the roller coaster- I'm ready for this ride.

Moving and Thoughts for the Semester

I spent the weekend moving into my new apartment. It's coming along amazingly- definitely hope to post some pics! However, we do not have internet for the week and I'm starting school again so it may be a while. Just wanted to share that God is fabulous, as usual. He totally designed this living situation for D and I and has already showered us with grace. True story: The day I got home from the hospital I was praying for my living situation/this next year on the way to school. 5 mins after I got there this new friend/classmate (but GF of one of my guy friends)asked me if I was needing a place. The rest is history :-)Love when He does that. He provides so well for our needs when we trust Him!

We have had some amazing conversations already- thank you Lord for ministering through us. I can tell it is going to be a very peaceful year even though we are both tackling difficult 1 yr school programs. This is going to be a great year of leaning into Him, and growing both in the vocations He has called us to as well as in our relationships with Him. As I begin the new semester this quote by Nelson Mandela strikes me:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

This light is a GOD-GIVEN light, unique to us, created for the purpose HE has for us in the world. It can be scary to let shine, it definitely isn't easy, and the world for sure doesn't support us in it. But Lord, please fill us more with your Light so that we may set this world ablaze. Please help us to surrender to you more so that you in turn can work through us. Help us to calm our fears and our sense of control. We want not ours, but YOUR plan for our lives. Help us even in our business of daily life to minister to others and spread your LIGHT! In His name,

Summer Vacation!

I am blessed with 2 weeks of break in between semesters- my mini summer vacation! Can I say how amazing it's been? I may or may not have slept in til 1 today (PM) and then took another nap as well. Just because I could...or maybe I needed to! Here's what I've been up to.

Up North with my Family-
"Up North" is Michigan lingo for heading to the northern part of the state, usually to a cottage on a lake. I did just that and enjoyed spending time with some of my family at least before I move out again.

Mackinac Island-
Definitely one of my favorite places on this earth! Mackinac is a historic island between peninsulas where Lake Michigan and Lake Huron meet. There are NO cars allowed on the island, just horses, bikes, and 2 feet. Great exercise...to work off the amazing Mackinac fudge. My mom and I rode 9 miles, stopping sometimes to read and relax along the shore. Just being in God's amazing creation! It was definitely a powerful realization that I'm really getting my strength/endurance back! Yeah! I'll post some pictures soon.

Wedding-
One of my dear friends, Sheila, got hitched! I had several weddings this summer, guess I'm getting to *that* age, but this was first time I was a bridesmaid. What an honor to stand up with her as she gave her heart in union with her new husband's heart to the Lord. They sang a beautiful duet to Charlotte Church's The Prayer, that made many of us cry! Sheila has walked through many crosses the past few years and I am so excited and hopeful for this new journey she is beginning. Praise God for new beginnings. For family, that we are not meant to walk life alone. For love, that is God himself and his tangible touch in our lives. Pray for Sheila and Dustin on their honeymoon this week!

Next up- The Move! But that's another post. Goodnight friends, hoping that you are all enjoying this last bit of summer as well.

Cursive, Multiplication...

It's back to 3rd grade for me! I just received my student teaching placement for the year. 3rd grade is such a fun age and I hope it'll prepare me to teach up or down if need be when finding a job! My CT (mentor teacher) is a graduate of my masters program- how great to share a background and have her guidance through this crazy year. The school's a bit far from my apt but right down the street from my Church and close to my parents too. Can't wait to meet you Ms. Warner! What's your favorite thing about 3rd graders? or What's your favorite memory of 3rd grade?

“Let us think of education as the means of developing our greatest abilities, because in each of us there is a private hope and dream which, fulfilled, can be translated into benefit for everyone and greater strength for our nation.” John F. Kennedy